the four right chords can make me cry

The Royal Tenenbaums

Family is not a word, it's a sentence.
I guess what I liked so much about the film was that I really identified with it. The years of betrayal, the way we cling on to bad memories and let resentment fester slowly, unforgiveness and grudges. Failures, disappointments, things that go unsaid. How relationships deteriorate. But also reconciliation, the ending was a happy one, may have glossed over some things, but it did'nt feel sappy. As you know, I HATE sappy movies.
Such a nice show, wonder why it didn't make it big. Guess cos it's got this indie feel about it, which I like. but then again it had such big name stars. Another thing I really liked about it was this whole folksy soundtrack they had going on, good stuff. The whole movie was drenched in this 60's/70's feel, the lighting, the costume, suggesting this hippie-like idealism and unrealisticness (to me, anyway).
i should be writing a response paper, not watching tv and writing about it!!!

went to watch V's play on friday, it was excellent!!! as for the two others before it... erm, give them the benefit of the doubt, let's just say I did'nt understand them. nuanced, sensitive performances, great cast (although i was a little put off by the accents at first, but I guess it's in character, still I much prefer a more real, local accent, but i guess it would'nt fit the context, i mean, naming your kid pascal if your'e singaporean!?!) pace was just about right, quite enthralling, very funny, good use of space. but was feeling rather awkward, with her theatre-y friends, not feeling very sociable that day, but i think the show was well worth it.

met bernard! my goodness, blast from the past! he was still in sec 1 or 2 when i met him, how come I still remember him then? selective memory. really made me feel... well not exactly nostalgic, but thats the closest substitute i can think of. he's in J2 now! no more the little kid i remember. but i think i saw the keychain that they gave us that camp on his bag, "everyday with Jesus is sweeter than the day before." that keychain is like SIX years old (i've long lost mine), and I havent seen him for six years either. holy cow, it's been that long. woah, the juxtaposition of so much change and the way we still hold on to certain artifacts of the past was too much for me. I need to coin a new word to describe this kinda feeling...

Really wish I had the guts to talk to him over lunch or something. Cos I really need to know about that keychain, what did that church camp mean to him? what has happened to him since then? what is he like now? why did he never join us again? how come I can remember you? what did you remember me as? how am i different now? but all i could manage was a really moronic, "oh you're in HC?" (well DUH! he was wearing the uniform!!!)

Actually that really sums up the majority of my friendships. I actually have a million and one questions to ask them, but they somehow never seem appropriate to bring up. This is what i mean when i say i'm shy i guess. i think all these things in my head, but when i open my mouth, "so, how are you?", which is really not what i wanted to say. This applies to my family too. I've always wanted to ask "do you really love me?", "do you approve of me?", "do you believe in me and what i do?". But i cant. So things just go unsaid, until we get angry, and it comes out even worse.

if you're free, yes you, blog reader, drop me an email and answer my questions. tell me who you are, who you ever were, who you wish you could be, tell me who you think i am, what do i mean to you, and we'll try to close the distance that's grown between us. iambeckyboo@gmail.com

posted by beckyboo @ 1:37 AM